Time.
I have had the strangest relationship with time lately. I hear from others they too are experiencing something similar.
The COVID quarantine is about 8 weeks established now. The initial reeling has settled. I have created some form of order and a bit of a rhythm to my days and weeks. Much of this schedule and way of being is pretty typical of my pre-quarantine life. Yet…there is this strange experience of time, priorities and what matters most.
It feels, to me, that I have so much time on my hands. That there is an easy ebb and flow to my day. The pressure of ‘everyday’ life seems less, things feel quieter. THEN, I sit down to work and I feel time has slipped through my fingers! What have I accomplished in the time I have ‘spent’ this week?! Where did all the time go and why don’t I have more things checked off the list? Why am I not ‘making progress’ as I usually do?
What a crazy feeling for someone who is generally moving through a good amount of work on a regular basis! It is a disorienting feeling.
Simultaneously with this, there is a part of me that just isn’t concerned about it! Some part of me has unwound a bit. Like time itself. I find myself wondering about things I haven’t wondered about in the past.
I find myself reflecting on how I want to show up in the ‘market place’. Feeling tired of what now feels like shouting out…and finding myself more interested in whispering into the world… and seeing what happens. I am wondering about what really matters. Wondering how I want to engage with those that love this work and what that will look like moving forward.
There is a strange spaciousness here. A quietness as the hubbub of daily life settles. For now I am in the question. It feels like a good place to be. In some kind of pause that simultaneously has an aliveness right under the surface.
I suppose this is one of the silver linings of this time. I have found many as I’m sure you have too. Perhaps the unwinding of time and myself too is making space for something else to emerge. I trust that, for today I can lean into this not knowing.
I am feeling the need to ‘make time’ for reflection. To nurture my own inner life. It is interesting how I can have time on my hands and still need to make conscious commitment to have time and space to reflect, to be with what is arising. This desire is so beautifully supported with time in nature, music and moving the body, paying attention to inner imagery and finding the ever present click into an expanded state of being. This zone is timeless. Ageless. Ever available…with intention, time and practice. I am reminded I can slip easily into this pool of time…cool…calm…connective to the All. I exhale and let go….come on in…the water is fine.
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